Thursday, January 7, 2010
First impressions of 2010
I feel like my current mood is noteworthy, as my usual default state is either 'zombie-blank' or 'just barely hanging in there.' Getting paid, being on vacation, seeing my friends and becoming intimate with Dubai nightlife has had a prozac-mixed-with-viagra affect on me. I know that this mood is fleeting and soon enough I'll be back in my shell of a room bemoaning the semesters and cursing my mundane weekly routines, so this is to encapsulating the moment-- yes, encapsulating it in a post.
It's 8.30am and I'm showered, drinking coffee, enjoying a PM and watching it get light outside. My room is under construction (i.e. getting it straightened up at the mo) I got Planet Funk playing in the background, scented candle flickering, and reoccuring memories of the last two weeks making me smile. I'm well aware of how cheesy my mood is but I don't care, haven't had a care in a while, just living the moment and fucking running with it like Terry Fox across Canada (sans robotic leg-- Sorry Terry). I got two of my closest friends in town visiting for another couple of weeks, got my bros living a few kilometers away to play street fighter with, and all's right with the world.
I know I know I know, to voice any happiness does seem to tempt fate into screwing it all up for me, and I didn't want to jinx it before but I know how temporary these feelings are for me-- explicitly speaking, feelings of contentment, joy, badassery and YOUTH. Oh God, 2009 was my oldest year, I was forced to look at things realistically, forced to deal with issues that implicate not only my future but of my family's too, trudging through depressing drama that really when looked at in the bigger picture are not quite as bad as, say, being a child soldier in the Congo (i.e. people with real problems). I know that I'm lucky to have my health, my awesome family, all my limbs intact and some basic healthcare (a one-up on 13million uninsured Americans for sure) as well as a good education and all, but depressing drama is depressing drama. It's hard to be positive and think "someone else out there definitely has it worse off than me" when you're in the middle of said depressing drama and worries. What I clung to in those dark dark times was that it couldn't (dear God please) shouldn't get any worse, so ride it out till it gets at least... tolerable. Bearable. 'aadi ya'ani.
I didn't expect this freight train of awesome to hit me this hard. Maybe things aren't as great as I make 'em out to be, but in comes into startling contrast with the year I was having. This side of 2010 has me feeling my young 21 years, and it's so good to be thinking of 'right now' instead of 'undefinable later.' I have jobs to hunt for, people to look out for, money that needs sending home, but honey please leave it all to a little later. When the time really comes, I'll park my ass behind a desk and do the duties I should do as a good daughter and semaritan, heck maybe get some real personal goals done too, but only when I'm good and ready. Right now, just let me be young and happy-- even if it's only for a month.
I'm counting on this month to carry me through to graduation, so 2010, this is for you. I love you Dubai, you in your grimy cranes, recession and half-finished extravagant construction projects. You might have your problems, but right now you're home to me and if I only have you for the next year, let's keep things casual alright? No need to get things complicated.
For your listening pleasure, I leave you Planet Funk. Hope you readers (all two of you) are having as good of a break as I am.